The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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