Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
