there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
