It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bring me that man meat
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
