You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
