I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I smell stomach acid.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
