you guys were way drunker than both of me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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