Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
