Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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