just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
