Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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