I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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