I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
