OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize