false alarm. still invincible.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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