Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
