I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
