well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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