so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize