I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
