He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
