I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
