my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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