bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
