Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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