My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
