its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
