My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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