i permit you to call me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
