Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
