he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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