During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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