I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
