I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
