We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize