he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
