Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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