he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
