Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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