that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
