Its about making memories worth repressing
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
