And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
