am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
