y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I will die if light touches me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your penis caused this!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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