areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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