I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
