Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
