she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Where is the hickey?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He did a backflip because drugs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize