seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
