just tell him i said nine months
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
