The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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