Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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