Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
