3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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