Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize