but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
