I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
