Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
