Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
