absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
