thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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