So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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