she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is Oprah even human
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
