you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
