you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
