Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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