Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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