At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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