Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
