Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
