Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
