Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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