Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
