I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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