its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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