I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
