Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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