I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
