It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
