it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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