your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
did you just send me my own nude
True strength comes from lack of pants
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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