Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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