Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize