john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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