Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
