I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
