well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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