worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
