I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
