babies were throwing up all over the place
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
