he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
