why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
