it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
