i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize