I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
