It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
