Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
